man. Jesus, i’m pretty over it right now.

taking 4 art classes this quarter nearly killed me. I was surprised by how calm these past two weeks were, but then DEAD week and finals week came right around the corner. Abba, why can’t i just be focused on one thing? I wish I were either completely dedicated to serving in double A or just focusing on school. But I’m holding the responsibility of both, and it getting pretty friggin’ heavy.

It kills me because I can’t do the best at BOTH, you know? It’s just physically impossible; there are not enough minutes in the day to do devos, take care of double A, meet with people, do laundry, feed myself, plans for small groups, plan for women’s ministry, check up on sg leaders, plan for mexico missions, clean up around the house & my stuff, do well in THREE major project based classes, AND do them well, and rest.

I just want to be great, is that too much to ask for? .. maybe :\ I know it’s not about being great, I just want to do a great job. I want to finish something and be proud of it, you know? And it sucks b/c teachers are probably thinking i’m just slacking off.. or not managing time well. Which, partially it is. but can i say that YA, i have a lot on my plate!?

maybe i want to be too many things, and that’s not what God wants me to be.

-b